Rainbow-ed Fantasies

Le Fantasia

WE

Why do I just feel that this team is falling apart? 

Why do I feel that right now we're quite close to impossible

Why do I see so much hatred between the juniors and seniors. 

Why all the conflicts?

I thought we never had them. 

I thought we were bonded.

I take back my words I said today. 

And I thought ...

Looking at this from above down. Things seem so different. Our standard has dropped, we ain't as bonded. Whats left of CCHMSGZ? I know i ain't the best player in this ensemble, neither can I say I am one of the better ones. All I can say is, I'm trying to. I know my songs. I want to improve. But whatever, this isn't the main point. The main point is ... all this hatred I see between the members. Just ... why. I know, sometimes lessons might seem really boring and we seem to be wasting our time during the lessons. But we only have this short. We only have 10months. CCHMSGZ, it used to be so great. It is still, but not the same anymore. Where is the pride? Where is the passion?

A new start

Just came back from camp. Gosh, it was mad tiring. This post is just to keep this place alive. Really feel like changing to tumblr naoz.
Not in the mood to blog. Just really disappointed with so many people.

Where is the passion? Where is the pride? Where did WE go to? Just ... why?

As the waves crash onto the shores

Hello world. Its been another 5days since I last blogged. Seems like so long. Days were great :) Went out with Rhine to study ytd at airport. I. FINISHED.MY.HOMEWORK. YAY. Ok, not entirely lah, but whatever I have and know how to do at least. Big accomplishment since I stepped into sec school. Haha. Gotta go revise my amath and chem. Thinking about bringing chem/amath to Sabah. Hmm. Should I?
Nothing much today. Went for piano in the morning till 1pm. Supposed to have dumb EL proj meeting, but got cancelled cause they do finish and went to Teo Heng instead. Fucking irresponsible. Effing pissed off at that point of time cause they fucking hell didn't bother to tell me and still ask me go Teo Heng. Fuck you. Anyways, came home. Wanted to do up my gz stuff, but then I realized the house was totally boring so called Rhine out. Went to Changi Village, walked around the beach. Barefooted walk on the beach with the waves crashing at your feet is awesome :) Haven't done that in a long long long long time. :) Felt great. Storytellings by Rhine. Love his childhood stories man. So interesting. Heh. Love hanging out with him.
Tuition tomorrow then nothing on. Gonna get my purple itouch cover at ehub! :) Sabah on Thursday till 22nd June. After that would be gz camp, 23-25th June. And then school reopens. Aww, why do June holidays always feel so short? :(
Ps: I love the color of my blog now! Heh.
Pps: I shall change the title of my blog :)
Ppps: BYE. :)

Awesomexzxz

Hello my very dead blog!
I haven't been blogging for a really long long long long long time! I guess my last post was about Mulan Musical uh. Thats like 2weeks ago? Hmm. I really should start blogging more since its like the holidays already. I'm suddenly inspired by people to take photos. Oh shoots(Here comes your wish come true Rhine -.- heh).

Well, anyway. Lets talk about last week! Had SL Camp from 1-3June. Went to Pulau ubin on the last day. Heh. Awesome ttm!! :) Was fun and ... hectic. LOL. But learned a lot. Like really a lottttttt! After that was GZ Meeting cum CCA on Fri. As usual, something I look forward to. Then was Saturday, as usuals - Tuition and piano. Then yah the usual yada yada. Sunday was Dinner with fellow cast of Hua Mu Lan The Musical :) Everyone was that besides a few. But really enjoyed myself there. Hwa Chong damn effing big lah omg! Its a school that has a restaurant and a swimming pool?! Mad can! Monday was Study cum Shrek with Rhine. :) Awesome lah. Macs Pancakes for breakfast then headed to Esplanade. I was more interested in Chopin than in Chemistry. But I really need to buck up. Like seriously. :O Rhine shall be my new tutorrrrrrrrr! :D Tue was GZ Meeting at Tamp and then at my place. Got my cyan nail polish after and got awesome cyan nails! :D Ytd was an even more awesome day! One of the most awesome days I've had since a long long long long long long long time! Why? SHOPPING :) Morning breakfast at Golden Mile. Wanton noodles and Grass Jelly! Then headed to ION Orchard. Topshop was first, but didn't get anything! :O Shop shop shop at ION till Topman opened, long long wait for Rhine trying his 1pair of jeans. Total opposite of me can! I shop like so fast, he shops like so slowwwwww. Heh heh. Then went to Swensens for "lunch". Got treated ice cream by my awesome friend. Then went to Far Eastttttttttttttt! :) Finally got my blazer. I think it looks damn awesome on me! Heh. Rushed to Wisma after that for F21 and Cotton On :) Which I was looking forward to the most! In total got like 1 blazer, 4 tops, 1 mini skirt, 2 accessories, 1 cardigan :) Fruitful shopping trip! But ... I WANT TO SHOP AGAIN. And this totally sucks because: 1) I'm left with no money to shop 2) I've got no more time to shop :( See! I'm like so sadddddddd :( :( :( And Rhine is like in JB now shopping with his Dad. AND I'M SO JEALOUS NOW! :( HMPH!
Today was meeting at 9am at school for Teachers Day, after that headed home. I haven't stayed home for so long in a very long time! I should have done like chinese and history by now, but sadly I have been slacking too much. Today has been sadly boring, but I'm glad to be home :) Like really. Alright, I want to change my blogskin and songs soon! And I'm gonna start taking pictures too! Since I've got a new camera. Heh. Alright, I shall go finish my history homework. Ciao lovelies.

An Amazing Journey

Its been 20days since I've last blogged. Woah, longest time I think. The past days have been hectic especially this week. Its ending though. Heh.
The past months have been an amazing journey. After so long of not going on stage with my fellow mates, it feels really good. Been through lots of preparation, its I think my first time acting professionally on stage and though its just a small role, it felt like a great step. A great sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Well, I have always thought that acting isn't exactly my cup of tea, but I guess it was fun :)
I want to thank one person in particular here. And that's my mentor of 8years, Ms Lim Seok Wah Elizabeth. She has given me numerous opportunities to perform on stage and has groomed me to what I am today. I don't exactly perform a lot, but every time I go on stage, it feels as if I'm going back home, to where I belong. It feels great, amazing. Its just ... AWESOME. I want to thank her for being so patient with me during every single piano lesson though I know I ain't the best student and I don't always practice faithfully sometimes due to my schedule and my laziness. But still .. she is still so patient with me and I have learned a lot from her. This concert was pioneered by her and if it wasn't for her time, effort and money, this performance would never ever have come about. She did not have any sponsors and this whole thing was paid entirely by her be it the venue, the places for her and even our meals and for that, I thank her. Thanks for putting in so much time into this, I know you didn't exactly get much sleep during the preparation, hope you have enough rest my dear mentor.  You did great during the concert and its been an enjoyable experience to have worked with you and many other amazing dancers, actors, singers and musicians. We all took a lot of time out from our busy schedules to make this happen. Though we aren't professionals in the different aspects that we performed, but still ... we did great. Especially the last show. :)
A year of preparation and its over. Time flies when you enjoy it. I really did enjoy my time there. No matter how tiring I may be after every rehearsal and still needing to come back to chiong proposals and stuff like that. :) I can't wait for the next performance :)
SL Camp, Saba trip, Guzheng Camp, mad shopping with LACPB, Varron and Rhine. Man, I really need ... MONEY. :( Anybody willing to donate?? Heh.
Right, I should have a lot to say. But ... Idk where to start. Maybe I should go write out stuff first. Heh. Alright, Facebook, don't fail me again plsssssssssss! :(

We're all lucky people

There's no school today. And I'm supposed to be following my time plan today. But I figured, this post was absolutely necessary.

WEST DARFUR

The Darfur Conflict is an ongoing guerilla conflict or civil war centered around the Darfur region of Sudan. It began in February 2003 when the Sudan Liberation Movement/Army (SLM/A) and Justice and Equality Movement (JEM) groups in Darfur took up arms, accusing the Sudanese government of oppressing black Africans in favor of Arabs. One side of the conflict is composed mainly of the official Sudanese military and the Janjaweed, a Sudanese militia group recruited mostly from the Afro-Arab Abbala tribes of the northern Rizeigat region in Sudan; these tribes are mainly camel-herding nomads. The other combatants are made up of rebel groups, notably the SLM/A and the JEM, recruited primarily from the non-Arab Muslim Fur, Zaghawa, and Masalit ethnic groups. Although the Sudanese government publicly denies that it supports the Janjaweed, multiple human rights groups have accused it of providing financial assistance to the militia and of participating in joint attacks targeting civilians.
There are various estimates on the number of human casualties, ranging from under twenty thousand to several hundred thousand dead, from either direct combat or starvation and disease engendered by the conflict. There have also been mass displacements and coercive migrations, forcing millions into refugee camps or over the border and creating a large humanitarian crisis.

The crisis in Darfur, in western Sudan, has led to some of the worst human rights abuses imaginable, including systematic and widespread murder, rape, abduction and forced displacement. Hundreds of thousands of civilians have died as a result of both deliberate and indiscriminate attacks, and more than 2 million civilians have been forced to flee from their homes. The situation on the ground has been plagued with renewed violence, Janjawid attacks, and aerial bombing by the Government of Sudan's military. Currently, the Government of Sudan is resisting the UN Security Council-mandated peacekeeping operation that is desperately needed.
Amnesty representatives have met with UN, U.S. and European officials to call for their vigorous action and have pressed the governments of Chad and Sudan directly. Amnesty's global membership has also organized letter-writing campaigns and demonstrations to draw attention to the crisis.
The international community must, at long last, put a stop to these atrocities and bring relief to those who have survived but continue to suffer. Join the growing movement of citizens worldwide who are taking action for Darfur.

Click to help or to find out more

Democratic Republic of Congo

Unrelenting Violence Stalks Civilians Throughout Eastern DR Congo

Throughout 2009, the civilians suffered continuous violence from different armed groups in eastern Congo. Hundreds of people were killed, thousands of women, children, and, sometimes, men were raped and hundreds of thousands of people fled their homes. Guerilla warfare has replaced armed clashes in North Kivu where combatants spread terror by looting and burning houses in reprisals against the perceived support of communities to different factions.
In 2008, the fighting occurred mainly between the Congolese army (FARDC) and the National Congress for the People’s Defense (CNDP) rebel group. This past year saw the conflict change when the Congolese and Rwandan armies started an offensive in both North and South Kivu to wipe out Rwandan rebels of the Democratic Forces for the Liberation of Rwanda (FDLR). The Congolese military received logistical support from the UN peacekeeping mission in DRC, known as MONUC.

In October, MSF teams were vaccinating thousands of children against measles at seven sites in FDLR-controlled territory in the Masisi region—and in support of the Congolese Ministry of Health—when the Congolese army opened fire, sending civilians and aid workers alike running for cover. This attack occurred despite security guarantees from all sides to operate in the region. Thousands of people were forced to flee to unknown locations, and MSF was forced to evacuate its teams to the regional capital, Goma.
MSF immediately denounced the military offensive. “We feel we were used as bait,” said Luis Encinas, head of MSF programs in Central Africa. “The attack was an unacceptable abuse of humanitarian action to fulfill military objectives.” The MSF vaccination campaign could continue in other areas and reached a total of 165,000 children.

 

Click to find out more 

Many a times we tend to take things for granted. For taking the most simplest things like love and care from your own family for granted. We complain that parents do not spend enough time with you because of their work, but haven't you thought that some children can't even find their parents in Africa?
We complain about not being able to have kfc, macs and subway for lunch. But haven't you thought that the kids in Africa can't even fill their tummies. Some can't even have 3meals a day.
You complain about not being able to get the latest Juicy Couture or the latest LV or Burberry, but some can't even cover their bodies with cloth.
You complain about school and the large amounts of homework you get everyday and tests flooding you every week. But kids in Africa will die to be schooled and educated.
You complain about taking medication when you fall sick, but some out there can't even get proper medication.
We're all selfish people who only care about ourselves. We live in a first world society, with everything falling into our hands as we wished they would. But then you see, half the people in the world don't have their lives as lucky as we do. May you know, we should take a step back and look at ourselves. Why complain about so much when people out there have so little?
So take a step back, look at our lives and the people's lives in Africa. See the difference? Its huge. They need so much. While we have too much. Why can't we support everyone in the world? Why can't we give aid to them? Why can't we help? We all have too much food in our household. Just look at how much food you throw away each day. You know how much that amount can feed a society?
I know, we're young. But so what?
I'm posting this, not because I really want you guys to do something. But because I just want you people out there to be more thankful for what you have and stop complaining. Kids nowadays, seriously they ARE overly pampered. So parents, please.

We're all lucky people, sometimes we're too comfortable that we forget that.

Western Union Agent: Please answer the question to assure that this transmission is for you; it's a code to pick up your money. Your friend, Nicodemus, says to ask: "What is the name of your brother?"
Nicodemus' Friend : (big smile spreading across his face) Every man!

David: (as he and Sam secretly plan to send their Christmas money to Darfur) You said we could spend it.
Eric: I did. Your mother and I, both, said you could spend it, or, you could put it away for a rainy day.
David: (very seriously) It's raining all over the world

When life brings you down over and over again

930. Didn't give a fuck about studying today. Brain too tired ready. Monday study till evening, tue study till evening, we'd study till evening, thur study till evening. Today want me study 我不是会死？？？ I love typing chinese in itouch man! So awesome!
Sighs. Life isn't treating me very well right now. Just when I thought I let go of dd ready, I get confused with my feelings yet again. I .. Don't .. Want .. To .. Fall .. For .. Rhine. Fuck my vulnerable heart. Why can't you speak louder plssssssssss???? I'm like begging for you to do so :( it will make my life so much easier! Like seriously. 为什么我会那么盼望着他的sms呢？我现在觉得很乱。有人可以让我知道我为什么觉得那么孤独吗？我好像觉得生活很像完全失去了他的意义。我好盼望他的sms会在我的手机上出现。他只是个朋友对吗？咳。。。do you know why I'm feeling this way? I seriously dk. Is it because he helped me get this feeling of loneliness away thus when he's not here I feel so alone? Please, someone tell me. I've got a lot of sorting out to do. I need to know what exactly I am feeling. Why I yearn for his SMS so much. Dammit.

I promise you he'll break your heart again

Man, I've gotta thank you for taking the rap for me. For later him fall for your fuggly face, your bitch heart and your slutty moves. Thanks bitch. But I promise you this, he'll break your heart again. You wna bet? I'll bet my life on that. He, that fucking bastard will never learn how to treat a damn girl right. His damn brain, his cruel heart was meant to break other girls heart because he knew he could never have a better one. But let me tell you, that damn guy, you're ruining him. He'll end up losing his best friend again, he'll end up making everyone hate him for treating everyone like fuck shit. And till that time, I'll make him lose everyone he has. He'll lose his best friend, he'll lose you and because he chose to let go of me, he has lost me forever. Yes, it'll hurt that there ain't anymore connections, but YES IT WILL HEAL. Life has treated me fairly, I lost him but you know what? I gained the best guy I ever met in my entire life. The one guy that I know as long as I don't fall for him and he doesn't fall for me then we will remain friends forever. I live life to achieve my awesome dreams, the stage is my second home. Performing is my love and earning big bucks and driving an Audi convertible is my goal. I'll ace business psychology and everyone will wna hire me. Boy, when I'm rich and great, you'll regret letting me go. And that's when I'll move to Australia and marry a hot Australian surfer and well stay by the beach. And you'll end up with nothing. I'll make you regret breaking my heart.

I live a great life with awesome friends by my side. Living through the ups and the downs with me. Friends I can go to for just about anything. And. I DONT NEED YOU.
-------------------------------------------------
Today's study session was plain awesome. Studied like 3-4hrs straight with a little break and going back to study again. Met twins after tuition, mrt-ed to t3, lunched studied. Bought ice cream, study. Find Rhine. Study again. Rhine joined us, study yet again. Left airport at 630 reached home at 7. Tired ttm. Buy I gotta read my zuo wens and go through my 50words again at least :( hope there's time tml. Maybe I should sleep early and get up early tml. Hmmm. Should be a better idea I guess. Weather damn freaking hot nowadays. Seriously kah, everyday like no clouds after so manu days of raining like mad ö
Btw, I think Nicolas is damn funny!!!!! HAHAHA. :D can't wait for our next theory lessons together :) heh.
Tomorrows Chinese paper. I gotta get my A1 I don't care! So my sa1 marks can be A1!!! :) ca1 scored 73.1. Must get at least like 78 or sth to pull everything up. I'm sick of always getting a b3 in my report book for Chinese. This year o level MUST A1!!!!! :)
Jiayou Y, chiong ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~! :D

Chapters Come and Go

It's about 11 in the night now and I'm sitting on my bed with nothing to do though I feel really tired and I know I should be sleeping. But every night, every night when Rhine isn't there to text me, I can't help but feel ... So alone. I can't help but think back to that one night when he texted me ''don't angry, you know I love you.'' I swore thatvswept me off my feet, I swore I was on cloud nine. I swore those 6months infelt blessed. I felt as if I didn't need anything/anyone else and all I needed was him. And that I got him and nothing else in the world mattered. He made me feel confidant, secure, loved and blessed. But ... All good things always come to an end. Like how a wonderful beautiful life always ends up in death. But I guess things change, people change ... And life goes on. Chapters are written. Some are remembered, some are forgotten. But they are still written. Lifes like that I guess. Lifes just harsh, reality always hurt. Thus fantasy is there as a little getaway to help us with the painful truth. Some nights I wna cry so badly, but some nights I think and feel blessed that he left me. Some days memories come back and haunt me some days I'm happy and laughing like some mad women. Sometimes I want him back. But sometimes I can't wait for the next guy to come along.

Lifes confusing as your heart and head like to squabble. Though they're supposed to be working together to help make your life better, most of the time, they never do. They usually end up making things worse by confusing you. The brain has an advantage, it has many worshippers, thus it is able to convince the hands, legs, eyes, ears and mouth. Thus making you believe that what the brain says is all true. However most of the time te brain isn't telling the truth. Thus people say there is an angel and a devil in your head that are quarelling. In fact, it is actually the brain and the heart squabbling. The heart tells us what we really want. But because it doesn't have such a big voice like the brain thus we are unable to hear it speak. And because humans are lazy, we don't make the effort to find out who is right and who is wrong we just believe whoever speaks the loudest and have more support. Thus w usually meet with stupid situations and end up finding out the real truth only at the very end when all is just too late. But I guess it's human nature. Everyone goes around saying: ''listen to heart cause it never lies'' yes we know that, but do we listen? Absolutely not. But that's human nature I guess.

After a long hard thinking, I've decided to so something that really will hurt me. I unfollowed him on Twitter, abandoned my ywithlove twitter account and deleted him and her from facebook. Idk if I'll be going back to ywithlove, I want to. I have everything set up there. My friends, my favourite quote Twitter, the news and even zodiac updates. I have 100+ followers there. I have twitbird to update and tweetsg. I admit, I do miss the attention I get on Twitter. But still I know if does me harm. I wake up every morning, twitbird, superlaggy. I'm spoiling my day right from the start. So what's thr point? But I just can't help but do so. No Twitter updates? Ok, next facbook. Search, ho ting hong. Nothing? Ok next, humin chua. Twitter happens daily, facebook happens once a week. So what's the use? I'm just spoiling everything. I've become more pessimistic. I'm quieter, i don't smile an laugh genuinely as much and i don't get my beauty sleep as much either. I say fml and really mean it. I get pissed off even more easily. See the change? Yeah. I know. But I also know one thing. He.Will.Never.Return.To.Me.Again. So I've decided even if the world will end in 2012, I will get back the confidence in me. I will smile genuinely again and I will be me. This years's resolution: ''To find me and be happy.'' I will do whatever it takes to help me do so. I will show him I don't need him to survive, with him walking out of my life, i've gained more trustworthy friends. Friends who will always be there. Forever. Yes, I love you. But no I don't miss you. I miss the person you once were.

Couple of weeks ago, I found out something. I've always listed what I don't want in a guy. I never listed what I truly want. But i realized I want this. I want my boy to be able to play the piano and look and me with eyes as if he were playing for me. Just like Rhine did. Thank you boy. You made me feel special :) i've been talking about him a lot. Those who don't know the story will think i'm in love with him. Man, he's amazing. I swear to whatever gods there are. I thank whoever that brought him into my life:) because if him I found a reason to smile. Because if him I'm aware of all that's around me. No more fml my friend, I promise.

It's been a long post. Click on title of post to comment. I'll make commenting easier when I have the time. Goodnights all.

TGIF

Its Friday.Yay. Man, this day was great. Dominos pizza was awesome :) 

Days are always great cause thats when the sun is out and everything seems to have a reason to live for. But no, not in the night. I still miss him. It hurts me when he ask me let go, when he begs for me to let go. I can't take how much I want him back.How much I really want things to change how much i want to cry when I think of him. It breaks my heart. Its like someone just keeps stepping on all those brokened pieces. 

But at the same time, I wonder why when I'm going to see Rhine today, I felt so light and happy. Man, I really did. I'm in love with h2h talks with him. <3 Yay for Rhine. Rhine shines :) Heh. And he's the reason why I smile when I listen to uncle kracker's song. He really makes me smile. :) I'm glad to have a friend like him. One who will remind me to study, one who will cheer me up, one who will share his experiences with me, hoping that I'll gain something one who will remind me that everything is worth living for. :)

Reasons to a private blog: 

1) Fun. HAHA.

2) I don't want him to come visit anymore.

3) I wanna get him outta my life. Shut him out. prevent myself from thinking. 

4) MIA-ed that twitter. Opened a new one so I can say whatever I want.

Yeap. And thats about it. Bye! :)

Dreams do come true if you give them a chance

 Dreams do come true if you give them a chance

I want to remember how to fall in love. 
I want to be me again.

CHAPTER

September 25, 2009

I'm writing.

On the road.

Heading west.  Not stopping until I see the sun fall into the Pacific Ocean.  

Joe Guese is next to me.  

One million white dashes dance up a silent metronome.

Chasing dreams.  Again.  It's not the first time I've chased a dream.  Chasing miracles, chasing love, chasing passion.  

Somewhere on the interstate, between the pavement, and the blue skies, with my headphones on, I remembered who I was very clearly today.  I felt peace.  I felt hope.  That's what this is all about.  Maybe I just can't sit still.  I may not be able to keep a conventional life, a conventional relationship... those girls often marry the next boy.... the one dressed in security and a nice tie.  I don't blame them.  Chapters come and go.

Those girls need another band to fall in love with.  Something cuter.  Something more popular.... something in the moment... like bubblegum.  Chew it until it loses it's flavor.   I don't blame them.  Chapters come and go.

I'm turning pages.  I was stuck in between the pages for a moment.  And in the dead of this unconventional decision, I started feeling peaceful about what lies ahead.  I saw some creative glow coming out of the sunset, and now I'm chasing it.  Again.  

There is a raw energy that comes from discomfort.  That is what I always loved about New York City.  The never ending discomfort that completely vacuumed the ideas out of my head without enough time to completely sit back in my chair (sitting back in my chair is made for those moments in Bali after endless amount of travel... when I feel the need to celebrate with relaxation), without enough time to second-guess, and with far too many extremely talented people... knowing that if you didn't come up with a good idea... they certainly would immediately.  I love that strange discomfort.  That challenge.

So again, I am heading into a somewhat unknown discomfort.  I need to be re-sprung.  I want to learn more.  I want to be freaked out.  I want to remember how to chase dreams.  I want to remember how to make magic.  

I want to remember how to fall in love.

I want to be reminded that I can make someone happy.

I want to remember myself.

Books are written.  The sweetest of chapters are remembered.  Some are forgotten.  Some are burned.  But they are still written.

I hope you read the next chapter.

♥you Ben Romans :)


Bring back those memories. Those times I used to be happy. The times when everything was motivated by you. The times when I smiled doubly wide every single day. The times when even though there were the downs I'll always be able to bring myself back up with the reminder of how much i felt for him. The times ... those times, will never be able to repeat themselves again. Those times brought my smiles, joy and laughter. They were the happiest I have been last year, I still remember 2208. I still count the months till now.

Books are written. The sweetest of chapters are remembered. Some are forgotten. Some are burned. But they are still written.

I will read the next chapter.

When life brings you down, you stand up. Fight back. This girl here don't fall that easily.

The memories brought me joy and laughter, but now they bring me tears and heartbreaks. The irony of life.

I'VE LOST THE MOMENTUM TO STUDY NOW. HOW! :O

Forever doesn't exist.

Forever

Its a Saturday night. 6days before MYE. Man, just finished my chem revision. GO GIRL. :) 

This week's been another hectic week. My Thursday was as busy as last week's. Sighs. Just finished Chem revision. Here to do some last minute blogging. Haven't been blogging since last Friday. But this space here is as dead as ever. 

Memories are there to remind you of the times you were flew and the times you fell. 

But still they make me tear and cry and make me wonder ..

Why do all the happy times always pass by so fast? Why can't they last forever? I guess thats just life.  

Its a new beginning

TGIF.

First thing I tweeted this morning. This week's been exhausting much. Esp Thursday. Monday was study session with Vanessa, Joy, Javier and Ting Hong after school at Ice cream cafe. Tuesday was nothing on. Wed was cca, IT WAS SERIOUSLY DAMN TIRING, first time feeling so shagged after cca. :o Thurs was music o levels followed by rehearsal at Thomson. Today was step up day.

Lets start with Thursday. School was ... ok.As usual, ended at 230, dabao-ed lunch to Music room. Had lesson. Rushed off at 6. When to pick brother up at Iluma before heading to Thomson for rehearsal. Managed to get one scene rehearsed. The little kids still need more brushing up and I need to be more ... idk. Shun. HAHA. Anyway. Yeap. Rehearsal ended at 915, reached home at 945. Bathed, 1010, do hwk till 1. Pro me. Had to chiong finish hwk to prevent myself from getting detention today. Totally shagged.

Today was a big day. Esp for us sec3s. It was the day of stepping up. To some, it may be just another guzheng lesson. But to me, it definitely wasn't. It ... was the day of fate(?)(Haha) Well. Lets get straight to the point since I'm seriously falling asleep soon. Here are the results.

Chairman: Yiying
Vice-Chariman: Joy
Treasurer: Xiaowen
Secretary: Clara

To my fellow sec3s, its a new beginning for us today. Its not gonna be easy, but I know it'll be worth it. So guys, lets work hard together to bring CCHMSGZ to greater heights.

To my the juniors, thanks for voting yea! :) Really appreciate your support. Next year will be syf''2011. Our goal would be maintaining our gold with honors. We all have to work really hard together to do so. So, lets all work together to achieve this goal! CCHMSGZ♥

To the seniors, THANK YOU for everything you guys did for CCHMSGZ. All the hardwork, the tears .. everything. :) Its the end of the road for you guys, but still ... its a new beginning too. Every hello comes with a goodbye. Good luck for your O levels! Work hard! Jiayous! :)


Well, I've said what I wanted to. I'm seriously damn exhausted naozzzz. Gonna sleep soon. Bye cyber world :)

A new chapter of you and I

Talk about being happy. I wonder how many of you will think. Is it a simple thing to do as claimed by some?
Many a times we wonder how we should achieve this happiness that some already may have. After watching five ways of happiness, it just seems ironic to me. Happiness seems so simple to them. It doesn't take millions of dollars, a thousand cars and houses or amazing results. It just takes a bed to sleep on, a roof over your head and food on the table everyday. Then why do some of us make it seem asnif it's so difficult to achieve? Ain't that what we get every single day?Maybe it's just because of that many ppl take the simple things we get for granted. It makes it seem compulsory in life. But I guess it rarely crosses our mind that some ain't able to fill their tummies everyday. I admit, I do feel as if life has been treating me unfairly. Looking at the situation I'm going through, I feel as if the hardwork I have put in has all gone to waste. I do feel "I put so much effort into the relationship, yet he left and loved her. Oh god, he's a damn fucking liar" but I guess, taking a step back, looking at the whole situation again. I think about what I did and what he did. Then I realize  we both had faults in the ending to this relationship. It has only been two months, they say it takes time to heal. I guess so.
Many a times I thinn that it will only take him to return to me to make me happy again, to put a double smile on my face again. But still looking atthe situation now, I doubt it will ever happen. Thus happiness seems so far for me to achieve right now. But hey, I have my friends out there who care for me as if I were their sister. I get smses like "hey baby, I just wanna say I love you!", strangers who reply to my tweets with "even though I don't know what's hurting you, but I just want you to remember that the sun always shine when morning comes". Friends telling me"you're the best" when I know I ain't perfect. Friends telling me "if you ever get back with him I won't friend you any more ah!" and friends who go "please stop thinking bout this. It only makes you unhappy".  Then I thinn about why am I so unhappy? Shouldn't I feel lucky instead? With my friends standing by me through this shit though I know they have their own problems too. I should feel thankful instead of feeling so down. Besides, he ain't the only guy out there. He doesn't even treasure me. He doesn't take every oppurtunity he gets to come and see me, calling me feels as if it's a duty instead of an enjoynment, he doesn't text me as often as I text him. He doesn't get what I did for him, he doesn't appreciate it, his souveniers were always bought last cause I always tried to make it perfect. He didn't know how much it hurts when he said I was hard to please. He didn't know I've always waited for him to text me till I really could not take it. He doesn't know the pain I'm still going through now. As all my friends have said "he ain't worth me."
Happiness is a state of mind. How we see our present. It's up to us to decide if we want to be happy. It's up to us to see if we want ourselves to be happy. You can either see the cup as half full or half empty.
So this is to all the ppl out there who deem their life as dull, borin and totally not worth living for. Let me tell you this. You are lucky. Much luckier than those people who live through the days trying to fill hit tummies, who live through the day with bellies bloated with air. You have a roof over your head. Three meals a day. They don't. You have people standing by you everyday in your life. People who talk to you, people who love you. And people who will stick through you through anything no matter how bad things may be. Unlike some who are left with no kin. You see? This is life. Not everything runs smoothly and falls into place like you wish they would. The walls are there to keep you out, to give you a chance to prove how much you really want something. Their there so that you'll finally realize how much something matters to you and how muh you're willing to give to attain that something.
So let's all smile and think about the positive things in life. Think about how much life is filled with, how wonderful it actually. Let's look at the good things in the cruel reality and appreciate everything and everyone that we have. Go on with life with a smile. Cause a smile is a curve that get things straight.
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I've learned a lot these months. But the ultimate thing I've learned is letting go. First letting go of him then letting go of my seniors. Yes their still here but not where I want them to be. So ... It's all about letting go. It's also about choices and how it'll affect my future. Also it's about listening to your heart and trusting your intuition. Somehow it's always right. Man. This is a long post. Today marks 2months since my heart got broken. But today ... It marks a new beginning too. A beginning to a new friendship where each of us have grown. I still can say, I've learned a lot from him. He taught me so much through the experiences we've been through. It's time for me to let go of the hatred. "when you no longer hate a person, you no longer love them" -Wan Ting
I know I should can I do it now?
Lifes been so hectic now. Reheasals are piling like mad. Performance is only about a month away. Gotto change my tuition timings. Man! Midyears coming too which means jve got lots of revision and piano practising to do! Really have to chiong piano. Mye is only a month away. A month doesnt even seem enough to master those pieces :( gotta work triplely hard!!! Study session with Javier and co tmr :) ciao world!

Choosing to turn the page again. It's a new chapter of you and me.

93 5683 4894364 CCHMSGZ♥

The above:

WE LOVE GUZHENG CCHMSGZ<3

Yesterday was the official day of step down I guess. But ... they'll be back on the 16th for results! :O
Time flies, we'll seriously miss them. Dedications will be left till later .... (you know what) HAHA. Anyway, ytd. Things happened in 3ly yea. But the thing is, I don't exactly give a shit about it. In fact, I was more obsessed with the fact that sec4s are leaving than the guys getting detention because of playing cards during English class. Much less care about whether K and E got into a huge conflict with the class. But there's one thing I'd like to say to you K.

You know, I've known you for 4years and most of the time when you don't do stuff I don't comment much. But in fact most of the time I have a lot of comments on it but I thought "some things are meant to be kept inside". So yeah. But this time, seriously, no way am I gna keep it in anymore. This is the second time this is happening. Let me ask you: "DO YOU SERIOUSLY WNA SCREW UP YOUR SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE????"
Seriously man girl. You gotta grow up. People ain't as simple as you think. Stop thinking that this world is a fairytale land where only good people exist. Cause NO. People always have two sides. The side they wanna show people and they side that they don't want to. So deal with it girl. I hope this stupid incident has caused you to actually THINK about you, your thoughts and the way you perceive people to be. Firstly, LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF WILL YOU? I mean come on! Using common sense right, telling Ms Yong is totally more seriously than telling Mdm Heriyati. Next, PLEASE STOP BEING SO RECKLESS. I won't always be there for you to consult. Take this incident for example, you know I really don't care what the guys do in class. They want play cards not my business right! And yah, I know it kinda matters a lot to you cause its like the class that you finally get accepted in. But seriously, please lah. Don't do things without consulting people. Vice chair doesn't mean you can do things your own way. Consulting Emerson is NOT consulting. Don't you know he is still stuck in his own lala land. Don't you know that he himself doesn't know how to lead??? So consult others please. Its seriously very important. You have about 2months left in being vice chair. And you just screwed your name up in LY. I'm not holding any grudges at you, but then I do NOT agree with what you and E did. Its wrong ok. Getting yourself into trouble doesn't get me in a very good position either. Somehow I feel like I'm stuck in between. I know you're wrong, but then I can't turn my back on you. But still, i know you're this kind of person and I know that you will not survive next time if you do not change. Please lah hor. Don't so ... child like can. You're 15, grow up. Next, having a lot of exes isn't a very good thing ok. It just shows that you don't take things seriously. Having 2 "serious" r/s that doesn't last over a month isn't exactly called totally experienced and moreover it doesn't give you a reason to give up. I've gone through 2 shitty serious r/s and I ain't giving up ok. So what reason do you have do give up? You go around telling me to cheer up about __ but what about you?
Next point. I asked you what mattered to you more: Doing the right thing or _____. And you told me doing the right thing that you go tell. THATS THE RIGHT THINGS MEH????? I know lah, I knew you were wrong but i didn't stop you. That thing my fault k. I was seriously too obsessed that the sec4s were stepping down the next day to care about whatever that is going on in class. Seriously you have no idea how emo we were on that day. Damn shit. So, I leave this here for you to think.
Things ain't as simple as it seems. People wear masks to hide their true self, and they're very very very cruel if they want revenge. The world is cruel. Deal with it. Thats just life.

CCHMSGZ, I love you♥

Hey guys! Today was the well ... last official lesson with sec4s. Its seriously damn sad that their stepping down(I know i repeated this like again and again and again and again). I'll seriously miss them like mad. Guzheng will be different without them. Seriously, it will be VERY different. But still ...WE WILL SURVIVE(HAHA). :D I don't have much to post today, but I just feel that I have to post these words.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING SEC4S! 

We'll miss you a lot!

We know you've put in your very best for Guzheng. 

So THANKS and Good luck for everything in future :)

♥♥♥

It was nervous day, many things happened

Hello all.
Idk why, I suddenly had the real urge to blog. Yay! Tomorrow's the last day of school for this week. Can't wait for more sleeping time! Well, I have like Chemistry to finish up which is due tomorrow and reflection to write on today's election and interview. Was damn nervous just now(OMFG). Ask those around me how I freaked out(LOL). Anyway, I think I did ok. At least I didn't screw the interview up. Ok, I feel damn guilty now that I ain't doing what I'm supposed to do. So bye people. Will be back with something tomorrow/friday :)

make up your mind for once,

you come to me and clear things up for what?? 

Not like my life got anything to do with yours right. -.-

A smile can really make your day

Ever walked passed an old lady and smiled at her and have her smiling at you back?

I did. Today.

That really made my day :)

Ok, I know I don't usually post right after I came home from school, but still I gotta post this.

Drama happened in 3LY right after HCL lesson today. Man, I really want to be able to do something to what has just happened. But I tried my best, WE tried our best but still couldn't manage to persuade her to stay.


THIS IS FOR YOU BERN, I REALLY HOPE YOU'RE READING IT! *crosses fingers*

Hey Girl. I haven't known you for long, neither am I say really close to you, but still we're awesome classmates. Chinese would so boring without you. No more drawing on your banana pencil case, no more jokes, no more lion hair, no more h2h talks about ____ during Chinese class, no more kick your chair and wake you up. Bern, though you're like sleeping through half the lessons in school, I'm really gonna tell you and mean it, 3LY will be so different without you. We'll really miss you girl. I swear we will. I hope that you will one day rethink this and decide to come back into CCH, and even if the school doesn't allow, we'll find a way to help you come back if that one day really comes. Still, I really have a few things to say. We tried to do really stupid stuffs today like hiding your books was because we really really really were worried for you, we don't want to just see you ruin your future like that. I mean, I know school ain't really the most important thing in today's society, but still at least its something you can fall back on when you meet a big hurdle in your life and you really lose your job or something(touch wood). Because you missed like 3months of sec4 lessons and well, frankly speaking didn't really do well in sec3, thus you ended up where you are now. Sorry that I'm gna sound really really really straightforward here, but still. We're worried that you'll not be able to score well in the O levels which you will do this year despite quitting. I just really really hope that by doing this you'll really really put in a lot of effort and study really hard because its not gna be easy. Even though I haven't gone down the O level road, I know its not an easy thing to do. Many people do not have a chance to study in CCH and were begging for one, to us, it seems like you're just throwing away a wish many are hoping for. Yes, I know CCH ain't the best school in sg, but still its better than those neighborhood schools out there(no offence), But still, you've made your choice. And we've tried out best to persuade you to stay. Still, I hope you'll think through this really hard. Or at least, pass your O levels with flying colors, we'll be awaiting your news of your results next year Bern :) And sorry to say, we will be checking on you from time to time to see that you're studying :) Hehe. Lastly, we love you Bern. Hope that you'll study hard and allow yourself to have a good future. Hope you're happy with your decision. If you really need a person to talk to, I promise you, cross my heart, I'll be there. :) ♥♥♥ 

I won't be the same again if you ever come back

"Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you deserve better. You deserve someone who treats you right and makes you happy. Forgot that asshole who made your life a mess and move on."

Hello world.
I'm supposed to be finishing my holiday homework now, but I'm stuck here since noon. Cause thats when I woke up. Been sleeping passed midnight everyday. Should really start adjusting back to normal sleep timings for school. Man, about 5weeks to MYE. Thats fast man. Freaking fast! :O
Election this Wednesday. Gosh man. Thats fast :O Still remember when I first entered CCHMSGZ, now its my turn to step up. Soon again it'll be my turn to step down. Time flies I guess. I've grown, I've learned so much. I've hurt, I've smiled.
I feel like writing a reflective blog post on life. Hmm. Well, lets start.

Firstly, I've learned that life contradicts itself. The phrase "Too many ain't a bad thing" can never be applied to life. Everything has to be just right. Too much sometimes ain't too good, but having too little means losing out on so much. I guess life's a roller coaster ride. You have your ups and your downs, but then it always makes the ride worthwhile. Be it in love, friendship, education, career ... anything, I've learned that if you put your very best into it you'll never regret. Even if you end up failing. Because what matters ain't whats on the other side of the road, what matters is how you did it, who you met, the ride itself. I've also learned that everyone is unpredictable and we should NEVER rule out the impossible. Impossible itself spells I-M-POSSIBLE. 
Always treasure every person you have in your life, you never know when you might lose them. Don't assume, because it only makes an ASS out of U and ME. (Ok, I'll make this shorter than expected) And lastly, always remember who made you fall and who helped you up.

HELLO PEOPLE BELOW, I LOVE YOU! <3

♥♥♥

I WANT BUS TRIP HOME WITH BEN&IVY TMR!!!! :D