Dreams do come true if you give them a chance

 Dreams do come true if you give them a chance

I want to remember how to fall in love. 
I want to be me again.

CHAPTER

September 25, 2009

I'm writing.

On the road.

Heading west.  Not stopping until I see the sun fall into the Pacific Ocean.  

Joe Guese is next to me.  

One million white dashes dance up a silent metronome.

Chasing dreams.  Again.  It's not the first time I've chased a dream.  Chasing miracles, chasing love, chasing passion.  

Somewhere on the interstate, between the pavement, and the blue skies, with my headphones on, I remembered who I was very clearly today.  I felt peace.  I felt hope.  That's what this is all about.  Maybe I just can't sit still.  I may not be able to keep a conventional life, a conventional relationship... those girls often marry the next boy.... the one dressed in security and a nice tie.  I don't blame them.  Chapters come and go.

Those girls need another band to fall in love with.  Something cuter.  Something more popular.... something in the moment... like bubblegum.  Chew it until it loses it's flavor.   I don't blame them.  Chapters come and go.

I'm turning pages.  I was stuck in between the pages for a moment.  And in the dead of this unconventional decision, I started feeling peaceful about what lies ahead.  I saw some creative glow coming out of the sunset, and now I'm chasing it.  Again.  

There is a raw energy that comes from discomfort.  That is what I always loved about New York City.  The never ending discomfort that completely vacuumed the ideas out of my head without enough time to completely sit back in my chair (sitting back in my chair is made for those moments in Bali after endless amount of travel... when I feel the need to celebrate with relaxation), without enough time to second-guess, and with far too many extremely talented people... knowing that if you didn't come up with a good idea... they certainly would immediately.  I love that strange discomfort.  That challenge.

So again, I am heading into a somewhat unknown discomfort.  I need to be re-sprung.  I want to learn more.  I want to be freaked out.  I want to remember how to chase dreams.  I want to remember how to make magic.  

I want to remember how to fall in love.

I want to be reminded that I can make someone happy.

I want to remember myself.

Books are written.  The sweetest of chapters are remembered.  Some are forgotten.  Some are burned.  But they are still written.

I hope you read the next chapter.

♥you Ben Romans :)


Bring back those memories. Those times I used to be happy. The times when everything was motivated by you. The times when I smiled doubly wide every single day. The times when even though there were the downs I'll always be able to bring myself back up with the reminder of how much i felt for him. The times ... those times, will never be able to repeat themselves again. Those times brought my smiles, joy and laughter. They were the happiest I have been last year, I still remember 2208. I still count the months till now.

Books are written. The sweetest of chapters are remembered. Some are forgotten. Some are burned. But they are still written.

I will read the next chapter.

When life brings you down, you stand up. Fight back. This girl here don't fall that easily.

The memories brought me joy and laughter, but now they bring me tears and heartbreaks. The irony of life.

I'VE LOST THE MOMENTUM TO STUDY NOW. HOW! :O

A new chapter of you and I

Talk about being happy. I wonder how many of you will think. Is it a simple thing to do as claimed by some?
Many a times we wonder how we should achieve this happiness that some already may have. After watching five ways of happiness, it just seems ironic to me. Happiness seems so simple to them. It doesn't take millions of dollars, a thousand cars and houses or amazing results. It just takes a bed to sleep on, a roof over your head and food on the table everyday. Then why do some of us make it seem asnif it's so difficult to achieve? Ain't that what we get every single day?Maybe it's just because of that many ppl take the simple things we get for granted. It makes it seem compulsory in life. But I guess it rarely crosses our mind that some ain't able to fill their tummies everyday. I admit, I do feel as if life has been treating me unfairly. Looking at the situation I'm going through, I feel as if the hardwork I have put in has all gone to waste. I do feel "I put so much effort into the relationship, yet he left and loved her. Oh god, he's a damn fucking liar" but I guess, taking a step back, looking at the whole situation again. I think about what I did and what he did. Then I realize  we both had faults in the ending to this relationship. It has only been two months, they say it takes time to heal. I guess so.
Many a times I thinn that it will only take him to return to me to make me happy again, to put a double smile on my face again. But still looking atthe situation now, I doubt it will ever happen. Thus happiness seems so far for me to achieve right now. But hey, I have my friends out there who care for me as if I were their sister. I get smses like "hey baby, I just wanna say I love you!", strangers who reply to my tweets with "even though I don't know what's hurting you, but I just want you to remember that the sun always shine when morning comes". Friends telling me"you're the best" when I know I ain't perfect. Friends telling me "if you ever get back with him I won't friend you any more ah!" and friends who go "please stop thinking bout this. It only makes you unhappy".  Then I thinn about why am I so unhappy? Shouldn't I feel lucky instead? With my friends standing by me through this shit though I know they have their own problems too. I should feel thankful instead of feeling so down. Besides, he ain't the only guy out there. He doesn't even treasure me. He doesn't take every oppurtunity he gets to come and see me, calling me feels as if it's a duty instead of an enjoynment, he doesn't text me as often as I text him. He doesn't get what I did for him, he doesn't appreciate it, his souveniers were always bought last cause I always tried to make it perfect. He didn't know how much it hurts when he said I was hard to please. He didn't know I've always waited for him to text me till I really could not take it. He doesn't know the pain I'm still going through now. As all my friends have said "he ain't worth me."
Happiness is a state of mind. How we see our present. It's up to us to decide if we want to be happy. It's up to us to see if we want ourselves to be happy. You can either see the cup as half full or half empty.
So this is to all the ppl out there who deem their life as dull, borin and totally not worth living for. Let me tell you this. You are lucky. Much luckier than those people who live through the days trying to fill hit tummies, who live through the day with bellies bloated with air. You have a roof over your head. Three meals a day. They don't. You have people standing by you everyday in your life. People who talk to you, people who love you. And people who will stick through you through anything no matter how bad things may be. Unlike some who are left with no kin. You see? This is life. Not everything runs smoothly and falls into place like you wish they would. The walls are there to keep you out, to give you a chance to prove how much you really want something. Their there so that you'll finally realize how much something matters to you and how muh you're willing to give to attain that something.
So let's all smile and think about the positive things in life. Think about how much life is filled with, how wonderful it actually. Let's look at the good things in the cruel reality and appreciate everything and everyone that we have. Go on with life with a smile. Cause a smile is a curve that get things straight.
-----
I've learned a lot these months. But the ultimate thing I've learned is letting go. First letting go of him then letting go of my seniors. Yes their still here but not where I want them to be. So ... It's all about letting go. It's also about choices and how it'll affect my future. Also it's about listening to your heart and trusting your intuition. Somehow it's always right. Man. This is a long post. Today marks 2months since my heart got broken. But today ... It marks a new beginning too. A beginning to a new friendship where each of us have grown. I still can say, I've learned a lot from him. He taught me so much through the experiences we've been through. It's time for me to let go of the hatred. "when you no longer hate a person, you no longer love them" -Wan Ting
I know I should can I do it now?
Lifes been so hectic now. Reheasals are piling like mad. Performance is only about a month away. Gotto change my tuition timings. Man! Midyears coming too which means jve got lots of revision and piano practising to do! Really have to chiong piano. Mye is only a month away. A month doesnt even seem enough to master those pieces :( gotta work triplely hard!!! Study session with Javier and co tmr :) ciao world!

Choosing to turn the page again. It's a new chapter of you and me.

93 5683 4894364 CCHMSGZ♥

The above:

WE LOVE GUZHENG CCHMSGZ<3

Yesterday was the official day of step down I guess. But ... they'll be back on the 16th for results! :O
Time flies, we'll seriously miss them. Dedications will be left till later .... (you know what) HAHA. Anyway, ytd. Things happened in 3ly yea. But the thing is, I don't exactly give a shit about it. In fact, I was more obsessed with the fact that sec4s are leaving than the guys getting detention because of playing cards during English class. Much less care about whether K and E got into a huge conflict with the class. But there's one thing I'd like to say to you K.

You know, I've known you for 4years and most of the time when you don't do stuff I don't comment much. But in fact most of the time I have a lot of comments on it but I thought "some things are meant to be kept inside". So yeah. But this time, seriously, no way am I gna keep it in anymore. This is the second time this is happening. Let me ask you: "DO YOU SERIOUSLY WNA SCREW UP YOUR SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE????"
Seriously man girl. You gotta grow up. People ain't as simple as you think. Stop thinking that this world is a fairytale land where only good people exist. Cause NO. People always have two sides. The side they wanna show people and they side that they don't want to. So deal with it girl. I hope this stupid incident has caused you to actually THINK about you, your thoughts and the way you perceive people to be. Firstly, LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF WILL YOU? I mean come on! Using common sense right, telling Ms Yong is totally more seriously than telling Mdm Heriyati. Next, PLEASE STOP BEING SO RECKLESS. I won't always be there for you to consult. Take this incident for example, you know I really don't care what the guys do in class. They want play cards not my business right! And yah, I know it kinda matters a lot to you cause its like the class that you finally get accepted in. But seriously, please lah. Don't do things without consulting people. Vice chair doesn't mean you can do things your own way. Consulting Emerson is NOT consulting. Don't you know he is still stuck in his own lala land. Don't you know that he himself doesn't know how to lead??? So consult others please. Its seriously very important. You have about 2months left in being vice chair. And you just screwed your name up in LY. I'm not holding any grudges at you, but then I do NOT agree with what you and E did. Its wrong ok. Getting yourself into trouble doesn't get me in a very good position either. Somehow I feel like I'm stuck in between. I know you're wrong, but then I can't turn my back on you. But still, i know you're this kind of person and I know that you will not survive next time if you do not change. Please lah hor. Don't so ... child like can. You're 15, grow up. Next, having a lot of exes isn't a very good thing ok. It just shows that you don't take things seriously. Having 2 "serious" r/s that doesn't last over a month isn't exactly called totally experienced and moreover it doesn't give you a reason to give up. I've gone through 2 shitty serious r/s and I ain't giving up ok. So what reason do you have do give up? You go around telling me to cheer up about __ but what about you?
Next point. I asked you what mattered to you more: Doing the right thing or _____. And you told me doing the right thing that you go tell. THATS THE RIGHT THINGS MEH????? I know lah, I knew you were wrong but i didn't stop you. That thing my fault k. I was seriously too obsessed that the sec4s were stepping down the next day to care about whatever that is going on in class. Seriously you have no idea how emo we were on that day. Damn shit. So, I leave this here for you to think.
Things ain't as simple as it seems. People wear masks to hide their true self, and they're very very very cruel if they want revenge. The world is cruel. Deal with it. Thats just life.

CCHMSGZ, I love you♥

Hey guys! Today was the well ... last official lesson with sec4s. Its seriously damn sad that their stepping down(I know i repeated this like again and again and again and again). I'll seriously miss them like mad. Guzheng will be different without them. Seriously, it will be VERY different. But still ...WE WILL SURVIVE(HAHA). :D I don't have much to post today, but I just feel that I have to post these words.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING SEC4S! 

We'll miss you a lot!

We know you've put in your very best for Guzheng. 

So THANKS and Good luck for everything in future :)

♥♥♥

I won't be the same again if you ever come back

"Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you deserve better. You deserve someone who treats you right and makes you happy. Forgot that asshole who made your life a mess and move on."

Hello world.
I'm supposed to be finishing my holiday homework now, but I'm stuck here since noon. Cause thats when I woke up. Been sleeping passed midnight everyday. Should really start adjusting back to normal sleep timings for school. Man, about 5weeks to MYE. Thats fast man. Freaking fast! :O
Election this Wednesday. Gosh man. Thats fast :O Still remember when I first entered CCHMSGZ, now its my turn to step up. Soon again it'll be my turn to step down. Time flies I guess. I've grown, I've learned so much. I've hurt, I've smiled.
I feel like writing a reflective blog post on life. Hmm. Well, lets start.

Firstly, I've learned that life contradicts itself. The phrase "Too many ain't a bad thing" can never be applied to life. Everything has to be just right. Too much sometimes ain't too good, but having too little means losing out on so much. I guess life's a roller coaster ride. You have your ups and your downs, but then it always makes the ride worthwhile. Be it in love, friendship, education, career ... anything, I've learned that if you put your very best into it you'll never regret. Even if you end up failing. Because what matters ain't whats on the other side of the road, what matters is how you did it, who you met, the ride itself. I've also learned that everyone is unpredictable and we should NEVER rule out the impossible. Impossible itself spells I-M-POSSIBLE. 
Always treasure every person you have in your life, you never know when you might lose them. Don't assume, because it only makes an ASS out of U and ME. (Ok, I'll make this shorter than expected) And lastly, always remember who made you fall and who helped you up.

HELLO PEOPLE BELOW, I LOVE YOU! <3

♥♥♥

I WANT BUS TRIP HOME WITH BEN&IVY TMR!!!! :D

I can sum up life with three words: It Goes On

Hello world. This week's been reallllyyyy hectic. Talent time stuffs all the way. Didn't have recess the 4days. Buts till, it was worth it. So lets post about Friday! :D

Friday had lessons as usual, last lesson was Amath test which seriously almost killed me. Then was CCA with damn intense finger technique training. Gosh! I hate the new nails. So difficult to use can! :( Left CCA early for talent time. Reached there and chiong finish banner. Total last minute work. After that went to change into talent time tee(mad chio) and then headed to LT to set up. Spent a lot of time taping the banner up onto the board. Well then the whole thing started. It was crazy just doing the usher part. People don't want to listen blablabla but still manage to overcome it. Had dinner at 830(WOW). After that went back watched talent time and cleared the stuffs. WOW. People love to mess up the LT I tell you. Chips on the floor, program booklet everywhere. And we practically ripped the banner out of the board! HAHA. Talk about the hard work we put in before that :O Reached home at 12 slept at 1. Mad tired.

Saturday was the usual, tuition piano and headed to IT fest. Got my iTouch!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) YAYYYY! Love it man! IT fest was mad crowded! Omg like seriously.

Went shopping today with Joy at Fareast. Got my black dress! :D Well, gotta stop and have dinner naoz. BYE! :D