Been so damn NOT productive lately. Stuck at home. Ok lah, got go out but these two days stuck at home :( Sianxzxzx. Today actually have rehearsal for recital ppl one, but ah ... Sadly its been cancelled. So left the one on stage. I ... PREFER TO PLAY THE PIANO. HAHAHAHA. Yeah. Rehearsal's from 7-10pm today. So sad right!!! I hope the people will do quick quick so I can go home and sleep sleep!
Esplanade tmr before CCA with Joy. F-I-N-A-L-L-Y! Supposed to head to Esplanade today before rehearsal with Qianying, sadly rehearsal cancelled :( I really should bring my homework there tomorrow man. Finish them before going for cca. :)
OH WTF. My sister is so damn madly fucking annoying!!! Have you ever seen a stupid girl who is SOOOOO obsessed with her toys that she doesn't want to do a fucking shit??? I HAVE. She's having tuition later on, and the rain has stopped yet she still doesn't want to go. Ok lah, tuition who want to go??? But its a responsibility right!!! And you can't use some shit excuse like "Oh! There's rehearsal later then I cannot eat in 15min so I don't go tuition" ZZZZZ. WTF MAN. Seriously lah. I hate teaching my sister piano. It sounds so damn shitty wrong when she plays and it really does annoy me. She's playing it as if she's being FORCED to do so. Then learn for what sia! Music is supposed to be played when you're enjoying it. Not as if you're being forced. If it is, it just sounds so damn wrong. So to all parents to be: I BEG YOU PLEASE DO NOT FORCE YOUR CHILDREN TO PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT IF THEY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT TO. Cause it only spoils the meaning of music. Music is supposed to be played and enjoyed. Its supposed to sound soothing to the audience and its suppose to let the player feel happy, its supposed to be a HAPPY thing. Come on, think about it. Can anyone of you out there survive without music? If your answer is yes, you must be mad. Seriously. Be it avan garde music or current 21st century music. People enjoy them! Imagine if you force a slave who totally doesn't like playing music play for you. It defeats the purpose doesn't it? You wouldn't feel happy listening to it, neither will the player. So why force the person and make you two unhappy? Why spoil the meaning of music? Why destroy it? I'll thank you if you don't seriously. Seriously, kids these days are ... UNBELIEVABLE. Ok, I really mean no offence to the good and ok ones out there, but seriously man even the sec1s are horrifying. Typing there hair, yawning and doing their shirt and skirts while being scolded???? I don't see us doing that, yes I admit that we(our batch) had our own mistakes, but I don't see us being so rude when we were being scolded. Like come on man! Have some manners please! When someone says sorry give that person a smile. Cause sometimes YOU were in the wrong too(unless the mistake really damn bad lah, then yalah I understand lor). Don't squeeze pass a person, when you OBVIOUSLY know that person is standing there, JUST to talk to someone across. Like seriously, weren't these supposed to be basic manners??? Yeah, our uniform may not be the best, yea we may have our own rebellion sometimes, but still we have manners at least all right. So you don't go up to people saying that our skirts and blablabla not good then should be strict. Ok lah! Our uniform not good our fault can. But at least we got good results right. You guys come in with liek 23+ we come in with 24+ ok. And we maintain that. Do you??? Please man. Get your facts right and get some manners please. TYVM. :)
Well, ok. Should stop huh.
Shanghai trip in 2 days. Man, time flies. Kinda looking forward I guess. Hmm. This post is gna be long. I'm gna post some stuffs here that should I think belong to lj but I really damn lazy log in lah. And I like how the words look here on blogger than on lj. Cause it makes me feel as if I type very long then I'll feel damn proud of myself. LOL Hahahaha. Should I put a line break??? Hmmm. Nvm, decide later. Anyway here I go.
WARNING: The following will sound kinda emo, so if you really do not want to spoil your mood please do not go on reading. TYVM :)
Posted some stuffs here on Monday too, wonder if he read it.
I was supposed to pick myself up this holiday. But somehow I don't see where this is taking me. I haven't been able to get myself on track.(Seriously, I can't even catch up with whatever hwk we're supposed to do, cause I have no idea wth we're supposed to do) Fb stalking is so not me. At least I only used to do that for Cheryl, cause thats the only way to keep track on her. I miss her. Been staying up almost every night sleeping at 1 everyday. Things just catch up with you when night falls huh? No wonder we love sleep so much. It no longer acts as a form of rest for us humans, it acts as a form of medication, its numbs our pain.
Sometimes I pray to be able to start over again, I pray for us to be able to pick up from where we left of and move on from that. But then again, I remember how much it actually drained me. Trying to get him to do more, trying to figure out what he's thinking. Trying so hard to just make things work. And then ... I think about good times we can have and should have. Then I snap back into reality and realize ... its something we can't have not now not ever. Then I tell myself, move on girl, move on. But saying it just seems so much easier then doing it.
I think about the past and how things were,then I think of the present and how fast you moved on,then I realized what we had was not love after all.
Yeah, I guess I was wrong those 5months being a fool tricking myself into what that I had. I guess I was living in fantasy but was just not willing to wake up for it. I thank my friends for being there when I fall. But I wanna say sorry too. You guys tried to warn me. You guys really did. Words like "I think he's just using you lor" ... I didn't listen. Gah! The stubborn me. I guess I got myself into this shitty mess. Problems are created, but only you have the solutions to them. I guess so. I'm trying so hard to get myself back up on my feet again. But I guess, I should let my heart heal at its own pace. Don't rush things, your heart will heal when its meant to heal. You'll love when you're meant to love again.
"Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together" I don't see my "better" falling together anytime soon. :( I feel this emotion i can't quite describe in me more than I should. The feeling when you feel like crying but still ain't able to get anything outta you. You know that feeling? What do you call that?
She can mean so much to him while I couldnt? I was the one who was there for him through so many things and when he doesn't need me anymore he kicks me aside. Huh. I guess thats the way you do things. I ask myself constantly, why could she make such a big impact on him while I couldn't?? Why is it that you could care for her so much while you couldn't do the same for me? Why is it that quarreling with her can make such a big impact on you while when you quarreled with me you didn't even give a shit? Why is it that you'll want to hang on to her while you didn't care about what we had at all? Why her and not me? Why. Its as if life is unfair. It does feel so shitty fuckingly unfair. I put in so much, I tried really hard. But in the end I got this?? Life just seems so dull, mundane and boring now. Nothing seems to go perfectly, nothing keeps me looking forward to another day anymore. Nothing. I live the days as if they were just times of my life. So plain. Do the same fucking routine everyday. Nothing to care for nothing to love. I still don't get why.
Fuck my feeling now. Its so damn wrong. I'm supposed to be the person who smiles all day(according to Amanda) but I so fucking am not right now. Fuck this feeling. If you wanted to hurt me, you could have just took a knife and stabbed it in, you didn't have to prolong the pain did you??? You care more for her than you ever did for me. I don't see why that should be the fucking way. I really feel like ................
Fuck this. Pray i get better soon again. And pray the cycle never repats.
FML FML FML FML.
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