It's about 11 in the night now and I'm sitting on my bed with nothing to do though I feel really tired and I know I should be sleeping. But every night, every night when Rhine isn't there to text me, I can't help but feel ... So alone. I can't help but think back to that one night when he texted me ''don't angry, you know I love you.'' I swore thatvswept me off my feet, I swore I was on cloud nine. I swore those 6months infelt blessed. I felt as if I didn't need anything/anyone else and all I needed was him. And that I got him and nothing else in the world mattered. He made me feel confidant, secure, loved and blessed. But ... All good things always come to an end. Like how a wonderful beautiful life always ends up in death. But I guess things change, people change ... And life goes on. Chapters are written. Some are remembered, some are forgotten. But they are still written. Lifes like that I guess. Lifes just harsh, reality always hurt. Thus fantasy is there as a little getaway to help us with the painful truth. Some nights I wna cry so badly, but some nights I think and feel blessed that he left me. Some days memories come back and haunt me some days I'm happy and laughing like some mad women. Sometimes I want him back. But sometimes I can't wait for the next guy to come along.
Lifes confusing as your heart and head like to squabble. Though they're supposed to be working together to help make your life better, most of the time, they never do. They usually end up making things worse by confusing you. The brain has an advantage, it has many worshippers, thus it is able to convince the hands, legs, eyes, ears and mouth. Thus making you believe that what the brain says is all true. However most of the time te brain isn't telling the truth. Thus people say there is an angel and a devil in your head that are quarelling. In fact, it is actually the brain and the heart squabbling. The heart tells us what we really want. But because it doesn't have such a big voice like the brain thus we are unable to hear it speak. And because humans are lazy, we don't make the effort to find out who is right and who is wrong we just believe whoever speaks the loudest and have more support. Thus w usually meet with stupid situations and end up finding out the real truth only at the very end when all is just too late. But I guess it's human nature. Everyone goes around saying: ''listen to heart cause it never lies'' yes we know that, but do we listen? Absolutely not. But that's human nature I guess.
After a long hard thinking, I've decided to so something that really will hurt me. I unfollowed him on Twitter, abandoned my ywithlove twitter account and deleted him and her from facebook. Idk if I'll be going back to ywithlove, I want to. I have everything set up there. My friends, my favourite quote Twitter, the news and even zodiac updates. I have 100+ followers there. I have twitbird to update and tweetsg. I admit, I do miss the attention I get on Twitter. But still I know if does me harm. I wake up every morning, twitbird, superlaggy. I'm spoiling my day right from the start. So what's thr point? But I just can't help but do so. No Twitter updates? Ok, next facbook. Search, ho ting hong. Nothing? Ok next, humin chua. Twitter happens daily, facebook happens once a week. So what's the use? I'm just spoiling everything. I've become more pessimistic. I'm quieter, i don't smile an laugh genuinely as much and i don't get my beauty sleep as much either. I say fml and really mean it. I get pissed off even more easily. See the change? Yeah. I know. But I also know one thing. He.Will.Never.Return.To.Me.Again. So I've decided even if the world will end in 2012, I will get back the confidence in me. I will smile genuinely again and I will be me. This years's resolution: ''To find me and be happy.'' I will do whatever it takes to help me do so. I will show him I don't need him to survive, with him walking out of my life, i've gained more trustworthy friends. Friends who will always be there. Forever. Yes, I love you. But no I don't miss you. I miss the person you once were.
Couple of weeks ago, I found out something. I've always listed what I don't want in a guy. I never listed what I truly want. But i realized I want this. I want my boy to be able to play the piano and look and me with eyes as if he were playing for me. Just like Rhine did. Thank you boy. You made me feel special :) i've been talking about him a lot. Those who don't know the story will think i'm in love with him. Man, he's amazing. I swear to whatever gods there are. I thank whoever that brought him into my life:) because if him I found a reason to smile. Because if him I'm aware of all that's around me. No more fml my friend, I promise.
It's been a long post. Click on title of post to comment. I'll make commenting easier when I have the time. Goodnights all.
