You never did understand did you?

Music: -
Mood: Disappointed

“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person … if he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it’s like to live without you”

One day, I'll do just that. And that one day IS coming soon.

And that was that something that I've done wrong. I know, I am a fool to stay there waiting. I try to stop myself but something just tells me to stay put and not move and really, I think thats the most foolish I've done in my whole god damn fucking life. I should know better than to give in all the time to his needs and wants and whatever shit but never getting anything for myself. But somehow I still do. For some god damn reason. And for some damn reason I'm so foolish to stay put. Sometimes I ask myself why the heck am I do all this and why did I let him back into my life. I still can't find the reason why. I ain't gna delete all of this and transfer it to my livejournal anymore. Its just useless. Cause obviously, he can't visit it no more. But still I somehow still want him to know. I fucking hate spelling out every single thing. I hate having to tell you what you have to do. I hate having to text you everytime I want to start a conversation. I hate how we only communicate through text. I hate how we don't actually. I hate how all the disappointments pile up inside of me and you never know. I hate how the same mistake gets repeated all the time. I know. Though, I need him in my life. Or life would be ... not really worth it. And yes. I know I may regret spending 5months working on this. And yes, i know I may end up wasting my time. But hey, I'm willing to try to make this work out right. I'm willing to put in the effort. Are you? Cause seriously, you don't seem willing to. And plainly you seem that you're taking me for granted. I hate people who take me for granted. One day, I'll burst and I'll stop texting and I'll stop talking and I'll stop putting in all the effort. And that wouldn't be cause I've stopped loving you. It only means I want to gain happiness for myself. That day will come pretty soon mind you. So start putting in some effort. 

I should be studying for E Hist test tomorrow. But seriously I've got no mood to study. I'm already worn out from 5weeks of school only. School has been irritating. Annoying. Tiring. Time consuming. Exhausting. yada yada yada. Man, homeworks pile up everyday. Tests here tests there. No test, there will be quizzes. Man, I really started treasuring my weekends after stepping up to sec3. Life has been so tiring. It started running so fast all of a sudden. I want to play but yet I don't want to screw this year. Thank goodness Its a shorter week and I'll be flying to Macau soon. A getaway from all thats happening. It ain't the friendship part thats causing the problem. Its the other one. And studies. Obviously, studies has been a problem since the very start. I'm so tired! And I'm so sad that its Monday tomorrow again! :( :( :( I want my holidays to come soon please!!! Sighs... Tired out from everything. Hope something great will happen soon.

/ps: Don't worry sister, I'm still holding on.