It'll be over once its over

Music: Touch my hand-David Archuleta
Mood: Sighs

Ever though that you're leading to absolute perfect life and that nothing can ever spoil how you feel at that moment and then you find that this feeling was so wrong months later?

Well, I have. Right at this moment.

And I when I thought that things were so right 2months back. When I thought that finally, finally things starts to turn out right in my secondary school life when all my friendship problems and relationship problems can draw to a close for at least awhile before things start to get so fucked up again, I was so wrong. Again.

Wanted to private this post on my livejournal, but decided not to in the end.

Sometimes I wished someone would invent a time machine for me so I can rewind back in time to 7years back. Back to when I was only 7 with no worries to worry about. Enjoying life like I should. With friends I know I can always depend on no matter rain or shine or even when the sky falls. I thought friendship was easy. And I thought friendship was a gift from heaven. But this gift from heaven still never fails to throw you with gazillion problems that you never expect to have.

I really want to know whats going on. I really want to know why things are falling apart. I want to know the reason to the change thats happening. Primary school friendships are easy. It usually goes like this: "Hi, I don't like you. Bye bye, I don't want to be your friend anymore." Then two, three days later you will go: "Hey, sorry for the things I said. I want to be friends again." And then you two are back to being friends. But secondary school friendships are just so complicated. One moment, you two share your problems, do everything together. Even going to see your special someone just because their in the same class(yea, I think you know who I'm talking about). Go to the movies, crap and read through one another's text messages. Then the next moment, things start to feel so cold. Things start to change. Then you feel so lost, wondering: Will this friendship ever last?

I know clearly, no one ever said life was easy. No one ever said life would be a smooth road where everything goes your way. I only remember someone telling me this: "God never said life was easy, he only said that it'll be worth it" And I also remember reading this: Love makes the ride worthwhile .... Friends, are the simplest kind of love you can ask for .... Let it be the memory worth remembering and not throwing.

"Never regret, if its good its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."

Because life is never easy, and it never fails to throw you with problems. I guess what I'm experiencing now is just one of them. If it is really meant to fall apart right now so that going separate ways wouldn't be so hard later on, then so be it. Maybe this friendship was never really worth anything from the start. But it was just meant to last till now, maybe it was doomed from the start. From all to nothing.

Or maybe its just one of those problems we'll have. Maybe.

I remember the fight we had between 6/4 and 6/6 and the very end of our primary school years, the one that was a test I guess. It was the end of our primary school years and LAPCB fell apart because of the competition on grad night. It was a fight between two classes and it threatened to pull apart the five of us. I guess, we're strong girls who treasure our friendship enough to hang on so tightly that it doesn't destroy whatever we have. I miss those times. Really. I miss the times when we had fun playing childish games in the parade square. I still remember ABC macaronis in Primary 1, Ice Milo competitions in Primary 5/6 till we all had brain freeze(especially Derrine. Haha). Lame "who eat finish the last bit of tidbits will throw rubbish" games. I miss the laughters, the tears, the easy going friendships, the lame quarrels that we have. I wish things were as easy as before. I wish that I could find a clique that I can stay with throughout my Secondary school life. But it just seem to difficult.

Cliques come and go. From Wong min, to Liyun&Bee Hoon, to Karyn&Han Lin, to Ivy,Ben,Karyn,Cheryl to Karyn&Cheryl to now .... just me? Maybe. Things never seem to last forever. Though its still a word I believe that will come true with much perseverance and commitment.

So many things have happened. So many things I want to change. So many things I wished for that never came true.

I've always wished for cliques that lasted forever. And in my whole 14years of life, I've only found one. One that is just oh so special to me. Sisters, I swear I'll never lead go. No matter what will happen. I promise you guys, I swear, I will never. Because I now know. I know, its something special between us, its something that not everyone will experience. To have 4 best friends stick beside you for 7/9years. Hey, you're lucky girl. Thanks to god for this.

If this problem leads to a fall out, then maybe its just meant to happen.

"In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

-Robert Frost

sometimes I feel like you're never here

with love,

yiying(: